I really want to know who made it 'right' for us to hold back and bite our tongue and say only what people want to hear. Who said that the automatic answer for "how are you?" has to be "fine, how are you?" Why is it proper for us to pretend that everything is fine when we really want to tell it like it is?
Granted, I would probably have fewer friends if I always said what I was thinking - and people might look at me a little funny when I responded to the 'how are you?' with my true feelings somedays. But lately I just feel that the masks are so heavy and the smiles are so fake. While I was talking to a friend today I wanted to scream and hit them, just to bring them back to reality - but instead I smiled and pretended to be happy for them and support them...all the while wondering why I was doing it. And I realized...I was doing it because someone made the rule that it's better for us to suffer in silence and put on a happy face than be honest. And so I'm mad at whoever made the rule.
Tim comes home talking about how he didn't want to be so-and-so's friend today at school or they didn't want to be his. He can be so honest and real sometimes it's truly refreshing to be around him. He doesn't hesitate to tell me when I look funny - or when I look beautiful. He doesn't think about how it will affect me before he tells me how he feels about something. He tells me when my cooking sucks, and when it's really good.
And I love him just as much on the days that I'm a 'funny looking bad cook that made him mad' -- as I do on the days when I'm a 'beautiful chef that made him happy'.
So I wonder; where along the way are we taught that we can't tell the truth? When did we become so sensitive that we can't handle the truth? Why is it so hard for us to admit when we've failed, or when we think someone else has? Why can't we reach out for a helping hand when we need it instead of reaching for the mask to hide the tears?
I'm definitely not saying we should walk around and be brutally honest, trying to hurt. I'm just saying that if honesty was appreciated and respected....we wouldn't need to be hurt by it. We would see how much it is needed. We wouldn't need the appearance of perfection to feel strong, we could have strength in knowing we can ask for help...and not be thought of any less because we asked for it.
Mother Theresa said
"Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway."
I just wish it were that easy for us.
xo J
2 comments:
hey jess
see, i'm from the other extreme. i am more likely to say i'm doing crappy then to say i'm fine, if i'm not. so i had to learn that some people don't actually care, and some do. my friend calls it "responsible honesty." that i should choose who to be honest with and who to be guarded with (as a self protection mechanism i guess and for others comfort perhaps). growing up being a brutally honest person was interesting. it was something that lots of people said they admired, but it honestly took until i was 24 that i learned i don't have to tell EVERYONE EVERYTHING about myself. i like that much better now. so since i've been pretty tired, and pretty uncomfortable lately, i do feel like a whiner to tell the truth, and say exactly that, but i figure women who've been thru it understand, and women who haven't should know the truth about pregnancy so it doesnt freak them out!
:)
Amanda, I do remember you being so honest - and I admire that about you still. As for being a whiner when your pregnant....never! Anyone that thinks you whine should try being pregnant for a day (if that were physically possible;) It's hard, and painful but weirdly fun and exciting at the same time. I often tell people if there weren't the amazing reward at the end - no one would ever go through it!
Thank you for your honesty...responsible or not it's a quality more people need!
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