"People come into our lives...

for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime...."

I've gotten this quote in my email a few times...I don't usually like these cheesy forwards from people but this one has some truth to it. And it's cute.

It's a hard truth to learn that people aren't always in our life to stay. Some friends I have had for years - since Kindergarten we've grown together and shared so much. The sweetest kinds of friendships are the ones that can last throughout our changes in life - and still remain strong. I've made other friendships that have an immediate connection. From the first conversation I knew that this relationship is deeper and more real than any other one I've experienced. Every friendship is different.

Saying goodbye - or losing those relationships can be so hard. Too often we are afraid of closure - so we just drift away. Never really knowing that it ended until years later you think back and wonder 'what ever happened to...' It would be nice to go back and have closure with everyone of our long lost friends. Maybe there was hurt or anger that was never dealt with -- or maybe life just got in the way. It would be nice to provide an explanation for every stupid thing we did or harsh thing we said.

My old friend Peter Loewen wrote an article in the High School paper about a mutual friend that was going through a horrific ordeal in life. It was titled “Loving too late, Leaving too soon”. I have kept it all these years and re-read it the other day. It’s a good reminder that what we say and how we love will remain with us forever.

He talks of an old man remembering a lost friend and an old woman remembering a lost love…and how their regrets of loving too late and leaving too soon had plagued them. He talked about leaving the hospital when he went to see our friend and how he felt he had not said enough, and overwhelmed with a feeling of failure. It's a beautiful article that he wrote - this is a small piece from it;

“Sometimes I’m everything I should be, and other times I’m not. And sometimes I love and sometimes I don’t. And though the times I love are special. They may certainly be forgotten in light of the times I didn’t. The times I spoke too soon, or didn’t lend a hand to one who needed a hand. And that is the great tragedy, that I may very well look back when time has taken it’s toll… and cry because of the times I had marched away and left someone, unloved, in my footprints.”

There will be so many times in our lives when we look back and wish we could make amends. And that is why I like this sappy email that I received. Because we have to remember that we are only allowed in someone’s life as long as they need us for – or as long as we need them. It hurts to let go. But that hurt can translate into a lesson that we take from them. It may only be a second that they are in our life – like the older couple that I watched at the Y one day. Or it may be years - like so many friends I remember; some fondly, some with pain. All we can hope for is that we take away the lessons that we are supposed to take from each relationship we share.

We can’t always go back and make it right, justify our stupidity or clarify our actions. We don’t always get an opportunity to beg forgiveness or ask for an apology. And even more sadly, we don’t always get a chance to go back and thank someone for what they brought into our life. How they have touched us, brought a light into our lives and changed us forever. But we can remind ourselves that we were a different person then and have grown and learned today…from those mistakes or joyous memories of yesterday. And we can be thankful for the smiles and memories that those friends have brought us – or the painful scars to remind us.

I often say to myself “If only I’d known then what I do now…” but to finish that with a more healthy point...; “it took not knowing yesterday – to know myself today.”

xo J