~ honest. sincere. embarrassing. funny. with a healthy dose of sarcasm. ~

Friday, February 26

Daddy's Delicate Nose

Apparently, men are a lot more fragile than they would like us to believe. At least, that is, when it comes to diaper changing. Women just seem to be naturals at the art of diaper changing relatively quickly. I know for me - within days of Cameron's birth I could whip that old diaper off and throw a new one on in a mere 6 seconds flat. I knew how to fold the wipe in a way that you could actually use the same wipe 2 or even 3 times before discarding it. I always had the next diaper ready and unfolded before the old one was off - incase of any mini-fire-hose escapades.

And Daddy, on the other hand? Cameron is already crying bloody murder after laying on the horrible changing table for 10 minutes -- before Daddy has even figured out how to take the diaper off! Then, Garnet has to sit there, inspect the mess and assess the damage before attacking it. Sixteen wipes later, he's been peed on twice and Cameron is in hysterics wondering why he's had to lay here naked for the last 10 minutes  - while Daddy's still fumbling with the diaper trying to figure out which way it goes.

One time, I was resting in he living room with a tea, enjoying the sound of Garnet having a complete flip out over the mess. Suddenly, Garnet comes scrambling out into the hallway and yells at me:


Now, let's pause and think logically for a second here. Common sense would tell us to grab something to cover the pee. Yes? Not Garnet's common sense. No, he figures it makes sense to let him pee everywhere and come out and act like it's my fault that he is peeing everywhere.

"Are you kidding me?"

Now that Cameron is on solids, the diapers are getting worse and worse. The smell? Oh, god the smell. But I still manage to change at least one of those bombs a day....and guess what everybody? I am STILL ALIVE!!

Garnet made the mistake of picking up Cameron after one of those little bombs earlier this week. And he knows better than to smell and hand him off to me. I am sure, even if he tried to disguise the fact that he had just smelled death in that little, innocent butt -- he wouldn't have been able to hide it.

Again, I grabbed a tea to enjoy this little drama.

Somehow, Garnet survived. Although, he did manage to get poo on everything within a 6 foot radius. And after throwing the laundry in - he felt he needed a hot shower to scrub the filth. I wasn't allowed to bring up 'the incident' for the rest of the day without him gagging ferociously.

And then the very next day, with the incident still very fresh on his mind there was a diaper so bad - I needed his help. Without too many mind scarring details (although it would be pretty good birth control for anyone thinking they might be ready to take on babies)....let me just say I needed about 6 hands in order to hold him and remove the clothing before throwing him directly into the bath.

This is the only way Garnet was prepared to help me.


Anonymous said...

Hillarious! Actually, do you think Garnet likes the dramatics of it all?

xo ;)

Anonymous said...

too funny!!!

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