~ honest. sincere. embarrassing. funny. with a healthy dose of sarcasm. ~

Friday, February 5


The books don't warn you about everything. "What to Expect when you are Expecting" doesn't even cover half of it. They don't tell you how your life will never be the same. It never covers the basics on how to cook, shower, clean house, make the bed, do laundry and go pee with a baby permanently attached to your hip. And they definitely don't tell you how to find the time to do that without the baby attached to your hip. There is no chart to follow on how many days like that there will be - or how to prepare ahead of time for those days. They definitely don't give you a guide book to follow at 3 am. There's no chapter telling you how that crying in the middle of the night will not only rip your heart out - but make you worry for the next few hours through interrupted sleep if you are missing some horrific sign of something terribly wrong. How you will find yourself creeping into the room frequently just to see their little chests move up and down and hear their sweet little breath. Even 9 years later when they are not babies, you will still worry just as much. And they definitely don't tell you how to function the next day on your precious 2 hours of sleep.

My husband was away for a week. I usually look forward to his trips away. The evenings are quiet, I don't have to fight for the remote, more room on the couch, the blankets and I can guarantee more than 3 inches of the bed. It's actually a nice little break and then when he comes back we like each other's company again....for a few days.

This particular week, I was not so enthused about him being away. I was sick. Poor little Cameron and Tim were both sick and it was not a pleasant house to be in. See, I have multiple personalities; one personality is when I am well rested and the horrible personality that comes out when I haven't slept is this evil twin that I don't recognize.

I started out this week by myself as that evil twin. And it only continued to get worse. No sleep, still sick, baby up multiple times throughout several nights and my big helper Tim was sick on the couch - needing me too.

And then the washing machine broke.

I guess there wasn't enough to deal with. A broken washing machine? Sure. Why not?

Needless to say, a nervous breakdown - or a few - were inevitable. And when my Mom and Dad called to see how I was holding up without my husband I squeaked out "Fine...." and then broke down in a heap of tears and sobs. And because being a Mom is something you never grow out of, my Mom's heart broke. In her mind I was that little baby all over again crying for her in the middle of the night. Something hurt - and she wanted to fix it. They drove 8 hours to come and save me. Just as simply as walking across the hallway in the middle of the night to check her baby's breathing. My Mom and I have had our share of problems over the years - but in the end I am her daughter and she is my Mother. It was a simple choice for her.

The other things those books don't tell you? How you will never be first on the list again, how your own sleep will take a back burner, your priorities, list of things to do, everything that you thought mattered before -- all of a sudden pales in comparison to making sure that baby is ok. You will give everything you have for that little one. And it doesn't matter how old that baby is. You will somehow muster up the strength to tend to him when he cries for you 8 times in one night - and you will do it all over again the next night. You will ignore your own desire to lay on the couch when you are sick and you will tend to his every cough and request for juice, gently kissing his sweet 9 year old forehead -- wishing you could take all his pain. You will muster up the strength to drive 8 hours when she needs you to hold  her own baby for a while so she can rest. You just do it.

No rewards. No compensation. No holiday bonuses or over time.

Just because they call you;



Anonymous said...

You got it, Hon. ;)

Love you muchly

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Jessi! Reading this brought on a held-in flood of tears. In a few weeks I will suggest Vanessa take a look...

Love, Aunt Faunie

RB said...

Thank you for this. This gives me a good perspective as to what I would be getting myself into should I become a mom. Also it was was in presective...cause my own Mum just flew across the ocean today to be with me, just to help me get ready for my wedding. So I know what its like to see Mums being sacrifical.

Brooks Update said...

Beautiful Jessica - I can imagine your mum had teary eyes when she read that!! But so true - did you ever see Rachel's favourite kids book -"I Love You Forever" the one which keeps repeating "as long as I'm living my baby you'll be"
You are a terrific writer - hope you can get something published sometime.
love Elva

Angela in Europe said...

Oh how sweet! Very inspiring. I am so glad I stopped by!

~Shelley~ said...

I'm a new follower from Everyday Moms!


Jessi said...

Thank you all for the wonderful comments!!

seekingelevation said...

Just stumbled upon your blog and can say that I know exactly what you mean! Nicely said!

Mommy Kennedy said...

New follower from EDM!

You are so right! They don't tell you the real story about what to expect! I hate it when my hubby goes out of town now too.

Anonymous said...

"They" can tell what might happen, but "they" can never tell you how you will FEEL thru it.

Anonymous said...

"Love you Forever, like you for always. As long as I'm living my (lovely daughter) you will be"