Insane Love?

Valentine's Day comes and everyone starts thinking about love. I'm in a blabbing mood today so bear with me on this one...but I had a few revelations to share.

I read a parenting article about the love we have for our children that described parenting as the 'only form of insanity still accepted by society'. I got a good laugh and if you're a parent you know exactly why that's so funny and true! What sane person would choose to love someone and devote their life to taking care of someone before they even meet them? Who would give up sleep, money, clean clothes, showers and time alone to love someone that can't even say their name? And is there any sanity to be found in going through a long, tiring nine months and excruciating pain just to hear someone cry!?

And yet.... it's the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of love there is.

How interesting, when you start to think about how we love other people in our lives. It's sad, but the other kind of loves can be a lot more selfish. We want to feel loved - but have such a hard time reciprocating it. We go into relationships wondering what we can take from them - instead of give to them. And we wonder why we are so unfulfilled and feel unloved....with little thought as to how the other one is feeling.

Maybe it's because society frowns on this selfless kind of love. There is so much emphasis on how we should be independant and free...not needing anyone. And so we feel we need to prove our independance. We are so afraid to really let it all go and be in love. To really need them and be with them. In this society self-preservation seems to be put above all else and the words 'I love you' become associated with weakness.

One of my biggest downfalls is that the people I love the most - I treat the worst at times. I take out other stresses in life on the people closest to me. It's seems to be a lot easier to yell at my husband than my boss! I have a temper to be reckoned with and my tongue gets a life of it's own...before I know it I've said more than I wanted to, half of which I don't even mean. So many people do this...even though it hurts.

This same parenting article that I read talks about how tantrums (from children) are really a sign of love and trust. In other words, your child couldn't be so disappointed or angry unless he trusted you deeply in the first place. And his tantrums are a way of testing the boundaries and his parents love for him. It's almost as if he's seeing how far he can go -- and see if mommy is still there! I guess this could be related back to my temper blow ups too. I only feel confortable enough around the people I love and trust to really blow up. I would never take out my bad day on a stranger. I actually tend to come across as a very patient person most of the time! And it's funny because a child's tantrums are usually based on their misconceptions - also true for us. The child throws a fit because they want that cookie...but Mommy knows that it's not healthy to have the cookie before dinner. The child however thinks this is the worst possible thing that could ever happen. Often we are most angry when we misconceive others motives as well.

But the difference between a meltdown between a mother and child versus a meltdown between 2 adults is that there is no memory of the scene minutes after it's happenedin the mind of the mother...literally. Scientists have studied Mother's brains when looking at a picture of their child and found that the part of the brain that shows pleasure and happiness 'lit up like a slot machine'. But at the very same time the part that judges and criticizes pratically shut down! In her eyes this child can literally do no wrong. Can you imagine how great our lives would be if we could forgive people like this? With no ability to remember the wrongdoings or hurt...just the good stuff!

Despite my temper - I can also be a very loving and giving person, and I find the days that give of myself and my time to my husband, friends or Tim are the days that I feel most fulfilled, and happy. I feel like even though I have barely thought of my needs that day - strangely, all my needs have been met. If I could learn to love everyone as unselfishly as love is supposed to be....it would be amazing. Like this 'insane' love I have for Tim; I still get mad at things he does - but within seconds my anger melts and he is the most amazing person in the world. And no matter how mad I am there isn't a second in my life that I wouldn't give up for him. He can give me a gift as simple as a drawing of a happy face and I am on the verge of tears at his thoughtfulness. Parenting is so hard - and there are days that we feel we could quit...but yet we wake up the next morning fresh faced and with no memory of the day before. We sacrifice all of our wants and needs to make sure that this little one is warm and safe and loved and happy; without a single thought to what we are 'giving up'. In the end we find out that all those things we thought were so important in our lives before -- really aren't important.

So this 'only accepted form of insanity' can really teach us a lot about truly loving someone. I know it has taught me so much everyday of my life. And just maybe this kind of love isn't so insane after all... Maybe true forgiveness is a matter of truly forgiving and forgetting... Maybe Valentine's Day wouldn't be such a huge holiday and money maker if we treated our loved ones like they deserve everyday... Maybe we'd all be a lot happier if we could just let our important people in our lives know just how important and loved they are...all the time.

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else. ~Peyton Conway March
{And I think I would like to add a fourth to this list; LOVE...}

After all that rambling and in the Valentine's spirit....big hugs to everyone that is special in my life. And if I don't tell you often enough; I love you!

xo J