We had to make a very hard decision yesterday. We had signed Tim up for 3 sports this year -- Kung-Fu, Swimming and Hockey. After a few weeks of it, we talked and decided the best decision was to give up kung-fu. We are so used to Tim being very adaptable....and didn't expect it to go the way it did; he was very devastated. But with the time that it was taking up -- not to mention money -- we knew this was the best long term decision to make. In a few months he would have been a walking zombie and homework would have to be squeezed into non-existent time slots. And we still wanted him to have time to be a kid!
I watched his tears and wished that I could give in. I wished that I could give him everything and never have to see him cry. But what good would that be doing in the long term picture? Sure, he would be happy now -- but then he would expect the world to give him everything he ever wanted and I would have created another lazy, spoiled-rotten brat. I think the world already has enough of those. Besides, he still has Hockey and Swimming - two sports that he absolutely loves, and has already been in for years.....it's not like we are depriving him!
I took him in my arms, holding back my own tears and told him that I had been there.
I've been disappointed too, Tim.
I reminded him of a few months ago when I got the rejection phone call for a job. He saw my tears, and I told him I knew how much it hurt to not get what you want. Then, I told him when I was little I dreamed of being a ballerina....I had my beautiful pink tutu, and my pointy toe slippers. I would dance and dream and flutter and twirl. But my Mommy and Daddy couldn't keep me in Ballet - and at the time I didn't understand. And my heart was broken too.
How do I explain that we see the big picture and we want what is best for him? And that sometimes, sacrificing a few things that you want is part of really getting what you need? How do you explain that the unfairness of this world means that sometimes you only get to indulge in a few of the fun things -- not all of them? How do you explain the complexities of life that you really only learn as your childhood innocence slips away?
I don't know how.....except to say; I've been there, I've felt it, my heart's been broken too.
....and I wish that was enough to dry the tears.