Poisonous People

The good thing about getting older is that you start to realize that you don't have to like everyone you meet - and not everyone is going to like you. This can be very hard to understand growing up - when it's more about how many friends you have versus how deep and meaningful your friendships are. I know I was more concerned with keeping friends than making sure my friends were always healthy for me. I gained a lot of great friends - but learned a lot of lessons also.

Something else you realize with experience is that some people in your life can be poisonous. Some relationships can be more harmful than we would like to admit, and the hardest thing is finding out how to rid ourselves from their poison. They may be well-meaning - we may even have enjoyed their company at one time but now we find ourselves feeling drained and saddened each time we talk to them.

Naturally, I like to help people but sometimes I find that it can get me into things that I really didn't see. I love counselling and trying to help a person through a hard time. But sometimes, once I'm in deep enough it's hard to assert myself and find a way out. I have found that some people who need help -- really aren't looking for a friend. Rather, they are looking for someone to bring down with them. Misery loves company. And they are so concerned with their own life and their own problems that they really don't care who they hurt on their road of destruction. Assertiveness can be a hard thing to learn and just because we are older and know how important it is to stand up and have a back bone -- doesn't always mean we can.

How do we know when a relationship is a true friendship and that even in hard times it's worth sticking it through and being there for them? And how do we know when someone truly loves us and needs us to help them stand or when they are just using us for an ear and a one sided conversation? You would think it's a lot easier to distinguish than it actually is. Unfortunately, it's something I'm still learning.

xo J


As I am writing my blog I am also writing a memoir of my life. Not to publish or anything - I probably won't even share it with many people. It's just for myself and to help understand me. It's been fun to remember different parts of my life, and it's also been very difficult at times. I have been able to look at how I deal with people and how different parts of my life have affected me. That's probably why I've been sharing the deep thoughts some days that may seem like they aren't really everyday thoughts. Somethings that I write about in my memoir can be shared in an anonymous way and help me to deal with some of the emotions that have surfaced while writing the memoir.