Time...

....is definitely taken for granted before you have kids. I can barely remember what it feels like to sit and read a book. And yet they grow so fast that I find myself consciously stopping throughout the day and saying "This doesn't last forever." Both reassuring myself that I can make it through this day - because the days won't always be this hard. But also in the sense that I know I should cherish the little things -  Remember this time when they are sweet and innocent - Breathe this moment in.

I had a fight with Tim tonight.

It was a heart breaking, tear jerking fight - not a yelling fight. But it was the first time that I had not been on speaking terms with my child. And it broke my heart.

I won't get into everything - I would bore you to death. But I will say that with Garnet working evenings this week - I feel a little more stressed. Tim went to an after school program with his friend, then had another friend over for a few hours. When it was time for his friend to go home Tim decided to whine and argue about it, then decided to whine and argue about doing his chore (emptying out the dishwasher), then decided to whine and complain and ARGUE MORE about getting ready for bed.

He is growing up so fast - right now the huge issue around here is bedtime. He is one of those kids that NEEDS his sleep. If he goes a few days without enough sleep - he is a bear. We have always been very big on bedtime. When he was young he was in bed at 7 - and it's only been the last 2 or 3 years that we have started to be more lenient on bedtime. I still think that he should be going to bed at a reasonable time - he thinks that he should be allowed to stay up as late as his friends. (Sidenote; what possesses a parent to think that a 9 year old should be allowed to stay up until 11pm ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?! Am I overreacting - or is this absolutely ridiculous?!)

The other issue around here? ARGUING. ABOUT. EVERYTHING.

Kids really are the ultimate paybacks - because Garnet and I are huge arguers. In fact, (Mom, I should warn you to close your eyes, plug your ears and sing lalalalala) we actually find arguing a healthy form of foreplay. But, similar to our sarcasm, it doesn't come across as nice from the mouth of a child. And we are trying to nip this in the bud with him - before he thinks that it's going to get him anywhere.

So the night didn't fair well. I was totally pissed and had to bring attention to the fact that not only did I have to keep his baby brother up an hour past his bedtime - but also had to drag him out in his cozy pj's after his bath -- to drop Tim's friend off. And all I got was arguing and the whole "Tsk....EXAGERRATED SIGH....rolling of the eyes....whatever, Mom" bit. I was not impressed.

We did have a heart to heart - after I cooled down. He was able to share his frustration and voice his feelings. Turns out kids make fun of other kids who have responsible parents and send their kids to bed at a reasonable time. Turns out I have a few words for these kids. And maybe their parents as well.

Turns out I really don't like fighting with my little boy. Turns out I wish he could stay little forever and nights like this are a rude awakening as to just how fast he's growing up. Next, we'll be fighting about his curfew out on date night with his girlfriend.

And cue more tears. Great.

I cut my finger, with my own finger nail, putting my belt on.

I decided on the title of this post, because I wanted to explain why there may be spelling issues in this post. My middle finger has a huge band-aid on it -- making it extremely hard to type. I also wanted to give a little bit of insight into my life lately - and why I haven't blogged in a few weeks.


Picture this; at the grocery store, about halfway done groceries, the phone rings - it's my husband. We have had an insane weekend. He just worked 22 hours straight the day before - arriving home at 3 am. I have been dealing with a sick, cranky baby all weekend -- after a sick, cranky baby all week. We are both a little agitated - I have the baby, he has Tim - we are supposed to be meeting at the arena for Tim's final Hockey game of the season. The game is at 3:50. And? IT'S POURING RAIN. 


Husband: "Honey, can you check the back door and make sure it's locked when you leave."
Me: "Yeah, sure, what time is it? You guys left already?"
Husband: "2:45. You better be on your way home - otherwise you won't make it."
Me: "No, no, I got lots of time." I think I may have even done the hand swat in the air. No worries.
Husband: "You remember that the game is a 1/2 hour away, right? Not our local arena?"


SHIT.


I raced around the grocery store, tried to be pleasant with the SLOWEST. CASHIER. EVER. I threw the groceries in the back of the van, remembered to throw the baby in too. Sped the entire way home, I may have swore a few times at people who think the speed limit being 80 means you have to drive 60 in the rain. I also may have given the finger a few times. They deserved it.


I had to pee, the baby needed a bottle, I had to put the freezer and fridge stuff away, and we live 20 minutes from the grocery store. Do the math. I had about 3 seconds to pee, make a bottle and put the groceries away.


Somewhere in that mess I ran out of the house with my belt undone - I think my pants were done up. I think? Or maybe that explains why my neighbor is avoiding eye contact with me now. Hmmmm, yeah - I didn't think he was shy.


Standing in the pouring rain, in my driveway - I grabbed my belt. In the anxious race to do it up I jammed my thumbnail into the middle finger. Ouch. I kept on doing what I had to do - until I went to hand the bottle to Cameron and saw all the blood.


There was a huge chunk out of my finger. "Ooooh, I guess it was a really ouch." 


I made it to the arena at 3:54. And they were running late. Game actually started at 4:15. Nice.


This pretty much sums up the feeling that I have felt the last few weeks. Running around in circles after my own tail. Or belt? Yesterday, Cameron actually decided to sleep more than 20 minutes for his nap. It was heavenly. I got so much house work done. Which is great. Because on the agenda for naptime today?


Tea. Computer. Write.
Aaaaaahhhhhh.....

Goodbye Girls

I couldn't wait to finish breast feeding. There I said it. Get all the horrified gasps out now - I'll wait. I know to bad mouth breast feeding is like saying that you eat kittens. I don't. Eat kittens, I mean. But I didn't like breast feeding.

I enjoyed breast feeding much more with Tim 9 years ago. Cameron, however, was a nightmare and I couldn't wait to be done. The whole bonding experience is great - but when you want to scream every time, it's not so enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, I wish I enjoyed it and could have raved about the wonderful experience. But Cameron's idea of feeding half the time meant squirming, biting down, yanking, screaming....not a calm bonding experience. But I stuck it out for six months because I know that breast milk is the best for babies. But the teeth came - and I WAS DONE!

And now the only thing I miss about it is my boobs.

I am very serious about that, just ask my husband! I raved about those girls everyday from the minute I got pregnant - they were sore and throbbing but BIG! I would look down and say "Well, hello!" (Don't pretend that you've never talked to your boobs...) And I even had this thing called cleavage. What is that?!
Now that I am done breastfeeding I watched them shrink back to their almost non-existent form. To make boob matters worse; I have started running again. I've made friends with the treadmill once again, in a last-ditch attempt to lose this freakin baby weight that has decided to move in and take over. It's like it came in with bags fully packed and got sick of living out of the suitcase. I think it might have taken over my closet.

So, I am running and the scale hasn't really begun to budge. (It might be the chips that I think I owe myself on the Friday nights after a week of eating healthy....I'm not sure. But maybe?) But you know what has budged?

My boobs.

Yes. Wonderful. The only fat that I want to stay on my body is the fastest to leave. Do you think some of my butt could say "Hey, there's enough of us here - I'll catch ya later."? Nope. The butt jiggle likes to overstay his welcome, apparently. The curse of the pear shape.

Thanks god my husband is not a boob man.

And so I am left to bid the boobs a farewell. Goodbye ladies. It was fun while it lasted. Come back anytime. Please?

Lessons in Parenthood

I have written a lot about teaching lessons. I believe that our job as parents is to teach our children how to be adults. This is not to say that we don't allow them to be children - but rather we make a point in teaching them WHY we make the decisions and the rules. And teach them how those rules apply in the real world.

I don't believe in the "I told you so" way of parenting - although sometimes it's nice just to yell that out when you're having a bad day and can't be bothered to explain any more details. The energy it takes to parent sometimes makes you feel like you've just run a marathon....and then some. Especially when they get to be Tim's age and they realize that Mom and Dad are not God. You know, that age where they feel the need to rationalize, justify and ARGUE WITH EVERYTHING!?

Yesterday morning was one of those days.

"Mom, I've been thinking." Great. See, I also encourage Tim to speak his opinion and tell me his side of the story - even though we may not agree. It was that tone of voice.
"Ok...." I replied very cautiously
"I checked the weather this morning, and it is going to be +2. So I would like to wear my shoes."
"Tim, I think we just had this conversation - last week." (Conversation in which I explained in detail why I made the decision for him to wait before he wore shoes.)
"Yes. But  it's warmer now."
"Yes. But there is still snow on the ground. Snow, that melts and becomes WATER. Shoes are not made for water. Maybe in a few days the snow will be melted enough and you can wear them."
"Yes. But..."
"Yes. But NO."
"You always ruin my life!!" Ok, drama queen.

He made a grumpy Hmmmph noise and went to the door to get ready for the bus. Where he STARTED THE ARGUMENT AGAIN!
"Well, Ryley and Raad and Carter all wear shoes. And Zach wears his INDOOR shoes!"
"No."
He breathed in to say something else, but caught a glimpse of my face and decided against it.
I almost started laughing when he made such a show of being pissed off and putting his boots on with a pout. And couldn't believe that he started it again. And I might have flipped a little. Might have.

"Well, then you can leave and have Carter's Mommy since she's so wonderful and lets HER kid wear shoes!!"
"Fine I will!"
"Fine!"


He came home from school with a guilty look on his face. We had a family meeting about how it's not really nice to tell your mom that you want another mom. And he sheepishly told me about how he had puddles INSIDE his boots now and maybe he thinks that I was right. Maybe. We went and got him some rubber boots last night and he was happy about that. It seemed that we were all content with the decision.

Until this morning;
"Well, I just don't want to look like a goof with rubber boots. So can I bring them and wear my shoes?"
OH. MY. GOD.

Spring is Coming!

The weather is sunny and getting warmer - I love the first feeling of spring in the air! This spring and summer is going to be a lot different than last year -- or the last 10 years for that matter! Last year I was either pregnant or had a newborn. Tim and I usually have the summer to ourselves and we go biking, to the beach, hang out in the pool. Last year he missed out on that. Garnet took parental during the summer and it was nice to have him around -- but it was an adjustment for Tim and I. The one thing that our little family loves to do is Bike - Tim and I didn't do any of that last year (for obvious physical reasons!) Tim has been pulling the guilty heart strings lately about how Cameron has stolen his 'fun mommy'. How nice is that?!
So this year I am determined to make it up to him. Which means we need a way to bike with baby.

We've been looking at bike trailers - and I think that's the best way to go. Baby bike seats make me nervous and would be harder to switch from my bike to Garnet's when we need to. A lot of them also convert into jogging strollers which is nice, because it would mean less to pack when we go camping or up north.

We have been looking at the InStep Sierra which looks like it might be the winner. Garnet has to research everything forever before he can make a decision. We are also being a lot more conscious of purchases now, and money spent. Which means we have been looking on Kijiji for used bike trailers. But so far the ones that we've found are either in horrible condition or they are asking double the price of what we could get it for brand new!!

Any advice for me? Have you used one that you loved/hated? I never had one with Tim - but I didn't bike when Tim was young. And I don't want to give up our biking that Tim so desperately misses - the adjustment of having a second child!!

Bell Canada has a Potty Mouth.

I wasn't going to post about this. In fact, this particular episode happened about a month ago....and I didn't even discuss it in my Facebook status. But it's been stewing inside me - and I did a little research on complaints against Bell Canada and was blown away. I would be surprised if I could find one person who is happy with Bell Canada. One person? Nope, I highly doubt it.
And yet, they have the business of the majority of Canada. How does this seem work? Everyone has a horrible Bell story to tell -- and yet we are all forced to use their system in some way or another.

One word: Monopoly.

We had Cable phone, internet and tv through Cogeco at our last house and LOVED IT. The customer service - the price - everything was a million times better than dealing with Bell. Then we moved here - out in the boonies and they don't offer cable all the way out here yet. But believe me - we will be switching as soon as our little community joins the 21st century.

Now, my "Bell Canada Sucks" story; (Try typing that phrase into Google!)

I didn't want to share this story because it starts with a humbling truth that we were a few days late on our Bell payment. I was embarrassed to share that. But the more I talk to people - the more I realize that it has happened to everyone at some point. While I'm staying home with Cameron now - we are adjusting to the different income - with added baby expenses! - and have had to shuffle a few bills some months. So there. It happens.
Well, apparently when you are a few days late on your bill, Bell figures that they should call you 16 times a day to remind you. Because the bazillion other dollars that they receive from everyone else trapped in their Monopoly Hell isn't going to fill their pockets enough. No, they need my $150 for my phone and satellite too....or else they might go bankrupt. (And yes, as a side note - $150 is RIDICULOUS for only phone and satellite! We were paying that for phone, internet and cable with Cogeco!!) I would also on a side note like to mention that we have never been late paying before - so it's not like we make a habit of this - which is why I was so confused about the amount of phone calls I was getting!!

Any mother will tell you how annoying the phone can be, I get very annoyed when I am in the middle of something (putting the baby to bed, feeding the baby, doing laundry, even sitting down and having a cup of tea) -- and the phone rings. But when that phone rings, you run to answer it, only to find out that it is Bell - AGAIN - telling you that you are late, it's hard to remain calm.

I did though - remain calm. Well, most days.

One day, I had spoken to someone from Bell in the morning, calmly explaining that it would be paid the very next day. Well, that afternoon, when they called back - I was not as nice. As soon as he said he was from Bell - I hung up. That's it. I HUNG UP.

I have a temper - I have hung up on my husband before, I've hung up on my Mom - probably a few other people in the world have dealt with being hung up on. They have all gotten over it.

Not this guy. No, this Bell Canada guy decides that he should call me back. I guess I hurt his feelings?

I, of course, don't answer. I know who it is. So you know what he does?

LEAVES A MESSAGE.

And - I might add - not a nice message.

I had to listen to it a few times to get the full effect. He had an accent, was clearly speaking quietly and very close to his phone; (Censored for your sensitive ears...but you get the point)

"Jessica, go bleep yourself. You bleeping bleep."

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen - Bell Canada - the wonderful company who has 90% of Canada by the balls, making you proud.

Daddy's Delicate Nose

Apparently, men are a lot more fragile than they would like us to believe. At least, that is, when it comes to diaper changing. Women just seem to be naturals at the art of diaper changing relatively quickly. I know for me - within days of Cameron's birth I could whip that old diaper off and throw a new one on in a mere 6 seconds flat. I knew how to fold the wipe in a way that you could actually use the same wipe 2 or even 3 times before discarding it. I always had the next diaper ready and unfolded before the old one was off - incase of any mini-fire-hose escapades.

And Daddy, on the other hand? Cameron is already crying bloody murder after laying on the horrible changing table for 10 minutes -- before Daddy has even figured out how to take the diaper off! Then, Garnet has to sit there, inspect the mess and assess the damage before attacking it. Sixteen wipes later, he's been peed on twice and Cameron is in hysterics wondering why he's had to lay here naked for the last 10 minutes  - while Daddy's still fumbling with the diaper trying to figure out which way it goes.

One time, I was resting in he living room with a tea, enjoying the sound of Garnet having a complete flip out over the mess. Suddenly, Garnet comes scrambling out into the hallway and yells at me:

"HE'S PEEING EVERYWHERE!!!!"

Now, let's pause and think logically for a second here. Common sense would tell us to grab something to cover the pee. Yes? Not Garnet's common sense. No, he figures it makes sense to let him pee everywhere and come out and act like it's my fault that he is peeing everywhere.

"Are you kidding me?"

Now that Cameron is on solids, the diapers are getting worse and worse. The smell? Oh, god the smell. But I still manage to change at least one of those bombs a day....and guess what everybody? I am STILL ALIVE!!

Garnet made the mistake of picking up Cameron after one of those little bombs earlier this week. And he knows better than to smell and hand him off to me. I am sure, even if he tried to disguise the fact that he had just smelled death in that little, innocent butt -- he wouldn't have been able to hide it.

Again, I grabbed a tea to enjoy this little drama.

Somehow, Garnet survived. Although, he did manage to get poo on everything within a 6 foot radius. And after throwing the laundry in - he felt he needed a hot shower to scrub the filth. I wasn't allowed to bring up 'the incident' for the rest of the day without him gagging ferociously.

And then the very next day, with the incident still very fresh on his mind there was a diaper so bad - I needed his help. Without too many mind scarring details (although it would be pretty good birth control for anyone thinking they might be ready to take on babies)....let me just say I needed about 6 hands in order to hold him and remove the clothing before throwing him directly into the bath.

This is the only way Garnet was prepared to help me.

30

Thirty years ago. 1980.
Did you know that a McDonald's hamburger was only 38 cents? Gas was around 50 cents a litre? And milk was just over a dollar?
Oh, and I was born.

I read somewhere that when you turn 30 you stop trying to find yourself and start creating yourself. I love that. After a little apprehension about the big 3-0, I know I wouldn't change being thirty for anything - even though somedays I still say it and can't believe it. It probably doesn't help that I still have the same hairstyle as I did when I was 16. I'm thirty. I'm thirty?

February 13th. My Dad used to joke that I was almost a sweetheart. Almost. That little girl that he raised to run around shirtless in her muddy overalls, stringy blond hair in her eyes, painting the deck and getting more paint in her hair than on the boards.
Thirty?
That awkward, shy, boy-crazy teenager that tried hard not to show her feelings by day, while scribbling them into her diary by night. Feeling like she never quite fit in anywhere, and not really sure if she wanted to anyways.
Thirty.
The young 20 year old with a baby and a husband and not a clue on how she got here or how she was going to survive. But determined to survive and keep a strong face while she did. Still awkward and still shy and still looking for somewhere to fit. But not willing to change her shape to fit somewhere.
Thirty.
It feels good to see where I've come from and where I still have to go. It feels good to be who I am and not apologize for being her. I am still awkward and still shy - but I don't feel like I should change that for anyone. I know where I am strong and I don't feel the need to prove anything. I just hope that I am always willing to change and grow and mature. Because change is at the heart of growth - and growth at the heart of strength. And at the heart of this big thirty year old, lies that blond, pigtailed little girl - without a care in the world. And more than anything, it feels good to know that looking back at her now the only thing that I would tell her?

You're going to turn out just fine.

Mom

The books don't warn you about everything. "What to Expect when you are Expecting" doesn't even cover half of it. They don't tell you how your life will never be the same. It never covers the basics on how to cook, shower, clean house, make the bed, do laundry and go pee with a baby permanently attached to your hip. And they definitely don't tell you how to find the time to do that without the baby attached to your hip. There is no chart to follow on how many days like that there will be - or how to prepare ahead of time for those days. They definitely don't give you a guide book to follow at 3 am. There's no chapter telling you how that crying in the middle of the night will not only rip your heart out - but make you worry for the next few hours through interrupted sleep if you are missing some horrific sign of something terribly wrong. How you will find yourself creeping into the room frequently just to see their little chests move up and down and hear their sweet little breath. Even 9 years later when they are not babies, you will still worry just as much. And they definitely don't tell you how to function the next day on your precious 2 hours of sleep.

My husband was away for a week. I usually look forward to his trips away. The evenings are quiet, I don't have to fight for the remote, more room on the couch, the blankets and I can guarantee more than 3 inches of the bed. It's actually a nice little break and then when he comes back we like each other's company again....for a few days.

This particular week, I was not so enthused about him being away. I was sick. Poor little Cameron and Tim were both sick and it was not a pleasant house to be in. See, I have multiple personalities; one personality is when I am well rested and the horrible personality that comes out when I haven't slept is this evil twin that I don't recognize.

I started out this week by myself as that evil twin. And it only continued to get worse. No sleep, still sick, baby up multiple times throughout several nights and my big helper Tim was sick on the couch - needing me too.

And then the washing machine broke.

I guess there wasn't enough to deal with. A broken washing machine? Sure. Why not?

Needless to say, a nervous breakdown - or a few - were inevitable. And when my Mom and Dad called to see how I was holding up without my husband I squeaked out "Fine...." and then broke down in a heap of tears and sobs. And because being a Mom is something you never grow out of, my Mom's heart broke. In her mind I was that little baby all over again crying for her in the middle of the night. Something hurt - and she wanted to fix it. They drove 8 hours to come and save me. Just as simply as walking across the hallway in the middle of the night to check her baby's breathing. My Mom and I have had our share of problems over the years - but in the end I am her daughter and she is my Mother. It was a simple choice for her.

The other things those books don't tell you? How you will never be first on the list again, how your own sleep will take a back burner, your priorities, list of things to do, everything that you thought mattered before -- all of a sudden pales in comparison to making sure that baby is ok. You will give everything you have for that little one. And it doesn't matter how old that baby is. You will somehow muster up the strength to tend to him when he cries for you 8 times in one night - and you will do it all over again the next night. You will ignore your own desire to lay on the couch when you are sick and you will tend to his every cough and request for juice, gently kissing his sweet 9 year old forehead -- wishing you could take all his pain. You will muster up the strength to drive 8 hours when she needs you to hold  her own baby for a while so she can rest. You just do it.

No rewards. No compensation. No holiday bonuses or over time.

Just because they call you;

Mom.

Keeping the Spark Alive

I have been organizing my closet today. I tend to have some pack-rat tendencies and my closet reflects that immensely. Mostly because I can find emotional attachment to ANYTHING.

I showed Garnet some old cards and letters that he had written me while we were dating and in the early years of our marriage. They were very sappy and lovey-dovey. Maybe even a little bit on the cheesy side maybe? Maybe. But I loved them - and totally drank in every word of it.

He reads them tonight with a little smirk;

"Aww...how cute..."


"Yes, back when you used to buy me cards and express emotion."  I said.
Maybe a little bitter? Maybe.

"Yes, honey - but that was 10 years ago. Things have changed and we do other things to keep the spark alive now." He put the cards down on the table.
"Oh by the way, the car needs to go in for the brakes soon."


And there is that sexy, romantic man that I married. Still knows how to make a woman's heart flutter.

Losing It

Ironically, although it feels like it some days, this post is not about my mind.

It's about weight. Yep, it's that time of year when we finish a season of stuffing our mouths and loosening our belts, and then say "Shit, I should have had some more self control." Except I also have baby weight to add to that belt. Not fun.

I am tired of hearing 'Oh, don't worry - you just had a baby' because I know that due to my lack of self control and will power I was 20 pounds more than what I wanted to be BEFORE I got pregnant. So now, not only do I have to worry about the 'baby weight' but also the pounds that had crept up on me before that.

I have no excuses. I have a treadmill in the basement that I convinced my husband I needed - instead of a gym membership. Because we live so far out in the middle of nowhere the cost to drive to the gym would have exceeded the monthly membership and I couldn't justify spending that much on a gym. So we bought a treadmill. And might I just add while we are on the subject - did you know that you can use the treadmill for so many other things? Clothes rack, storage shelf and it's a beautiful, inconspicuous focal point in any room. It's great, really.

And yet, with it staring me in the face everytime I go down stairs - I have been willfully avoiding any eye contact with it, whatsoever.

But like so many others in the new year - I decided it was time. And now I have started the routine toward reaching my goal. Eating better and exercising - it definitely sounds so simple. Except it is anything but simple.  I have decided that I am just one of those people that will never get away with eating what I want and not exercising. And the worst part about having to lose this much is that 1-2 lbs a week seems so SLOW when you look at the big numbers.

Almost ten years ago I was in the same boat. Just had a baby, gained weight after I had the baby (who does that!?) and decided that was enough. I went to the gym and lost 50 lbs. It's like I'm living my life on repeat.

Except, I'm not twenty this time. This time - I'm almost thirty. And it's going to be so much different. I have been organizing my closet and found some old pictures from when I was at my goal weight -- I've decided to plaster them around the house so that I can see where I can be. A little bit of healthy incentive. Maybe I should enlarge one and tape it to the door of the fridge. Maybe?

I'll keep you updated on my progress. Whether I am doing well towards my goal -- or completely losing it. (This time, I'm talking about my mind.)

A lesson on the importance of naps

I may, or may not have given the stern warning to Garnet and Tim today, while Cameron was napping, that the next person to yell would get a kick in the head ...another stern warning.

Naps are just that important. Deal with it.

You are my Yin to your Yang

I often joke about the fact that I sleep fully clothed, with a heating blanket and huge duvet - while my husband sleeps beside me in the buff, the sheet draped over slightly and the fan blasting cold air right on him. I joke about this because that scenario describes our entire relationship. You will not find two people more opposite.
I am scatter-brained - he is OCD. I keep everything - he goes on weekly clean sweeps and tries to fill as many garbage bags as he can. I think that as long as it's in a cupboard or closet and can't be seen it doesn't need to be neat - he organizes the kitchen cupboards every time he puts groceries away. I am very emotional and rely on my feelings - he relies on logic and rarely gets his feeling hurt. That's right - feeling. No "s" because we have come to the conclusion that he only has one.

He sleeps like a log. I don't sleep.

I was blessed with a baby who is a very good night sleeper. He went to bed last night at 5:45 - and didn't get up to eat until 5:30 this morning. I was up staring at the ceiling, mind racing until close to midnight. It's frustrating and ironically tiring. Especially when I have a husband who could be in the middle of the conversation with me and be snoring before he finishes the sentence. Some times, I will kick him in his sleep or nudge him a little too violently because I am pissed that he is snoring and my eyes won't even shut.

He doesn't remember.

In fact, sometimes he responds with a gentle caress back and 'love you too, babe'. Yeah, that's exactly how I intended that elbow to the ribs to be interpreted, babe.

Tim is just as deep of a sleeper. They both talk in their sleep and are capable of having an entire conversation while sleeping and have no recollection of it. And I can see Cameron seems to be going down that same path. Can't wait until they are teenagers and now it takes me an hour to wake them up - just like it takes me every morning with Garnet.

I was expressing my frustration over not sleeping to Garnet last night. And he decides to give me some pointers on how I just need to shut my mind off. I need to make it go blank and just rest and close my eyes.

"Really? Seriously? We're going to go there? You -- who can't last 5 seconds after your head hits the pillow -- are going to give me advice on how to deal with a sleeping problem?"

He didn't hear me. He was already snoring.

Don't blame it all on Facebook

Coincidentally, I signed up for Facebook a couple of years ago and right around that time my blog started to suffer. Funny how that works, isn't it?

But as much as I enjoy catching up with what's-their-name from high school, that I spoke to twice and can't really remember ever using each other's names during either of those conversations....I miss my blog. I am kidding of course, Facebook has brought some wonderful people from my past back into my life. But I do waste a lot of time on it!

I need to write. And it is a powerful need. In reading some of the older posts - I realized that I was slipping away from what I wanted to blog about and I wasn't enjoying blogging. Writing is my outlet - some days it's all I can do but sit down and write a poem or a paragraph or a letter. That's what gets me through. I don't want to feel obligated to blog about anything - but I want my blog to be open and honest. And I'm ready to go there again.

I will post less pictures here than I used to - and use my blog as my writing escape.

While I am getting back into the swing of blogging - enjoy some of the archives and the new search engine. I love looking back - and remembering the past through the posts. This is what made me get back into it. Reading of the embarrassment, the many cars, the many tears, some more embarrassment, the unique husband stories, Tim growing up through the years, lots of laughter and of course more embarrassment.

Glad to be back. It feels like home.

I'm Back....and ready to write.

It's been almost 2 years. I have missed blogging, missed getting my feelings in writing and am ready to begin again.

In those 2 years out of blog world - we have moved to a new city, had a baby, bought about 5 new vehicles and probably got a new haircut in there somewhere too.

I will start up where I left off.

Or try to.

A New Little Man

This was taken from my Facebook note this summer when we welcomed Cameron Lorence into our lives.


The name CAMERON has huge significance for us. The Cameron Family has adopted us into their clan and treated us with love and respect and as part of their family for the last 9 years (even longer for Garnet) Grandma Anne and Papa Gary have been a huge part of Tim's life and we know that they will welcome Cameron into their family and treat him with all the love and blessings that they have given the rest of us over the years. Auntie Jenni and Uncle Matt have showered Tim with affection and attention and he adores them both. All the laughs, tears, ups and downs in our lives that we have shared with them have helped us grow and become who we are today!! The Cameron's have truly taught us that the definition of Family lies not in the blood or sharing the last name -- but in the heart. 

The name LORENCE is huge for us as well. My amazing Grandma has a special place in my heart as she always will. Her name being Florence Mae -- (Mae (my middle name as well) was going to be the middle name if this was a girl). Obviously, Florence isn't really an ideal name for a little boy unless we wanted to subject him to years of harrassment.....so we changed it a little and came up with LORENCE - to honour her. She has been a special woman in my life and has touched many lives of people around her -- whether with her apple pies or her kind welcoming heart. We love her. 

This little guy wanted to make a grand entrance into the world and made us all wait for his arrival - but he is finally here!!!!! And we LOVE HIM TO PIECES!!!!!

It took 2 years for the kitchen to be finished.........

......and 6 DAYS for this!!!! (I put a little pressure on after the spray paint -- could you tell??)

Garnet and I started ripping it all apart last Tuesday....and stayed up until 4 a.m. Saturday night to do the floor - up at 7:30 to finish it. Everything went so smooth, and Garnet did an amazing job on everything. I am a lucky girl to have such a multi-talented hubby!!

We just need trim and then we can hang the curtains....nmew couch and chair are coming this week!! I love it!!

One of two things;

1) Garnet has decided to speed up the renovations on the livingroom

or,
2) Garnet is in need of a very good divorce lawyer...........

Sugar Bush

Great Wolf Lodge

We had an awesome time at Great Wolf Lodge....Tim brought a little friend from school and they had an awesome time sleeping in their Wolf Den and being maniacs in the wave pool and crazy slides. We'll definitely be going again!! Some videos to come too.....sometime ;)

Wow.

This is the kitchen on the day we moved in. Someone barfed up flowers.

This is the kitchen now.....just needs trim!

Bad Temper?? Who Me, Officer??

I've been pretty honest about my bad temper. I have written about it plenty of times before. Garnet thinks it's cute and fiesty....god love him. I know it's a vice, and a force to be reckoned with -- but I never thought it could have the potential to get me a ticket!!

I had worked all day and was on my way to pick up Tim from school. I was at a stop light - ready to turn left. I am used to bad drivers around this area -- there is a bingo hall and a border crossing within 500 metres of this particular stoplight. Not that I am saying old people and Americans are bad drivers....I have just made some observations, and may have been on the defensive and ready for an attack.

There was a car in front of me that started turning left, when the light turned green. He pulled out into the intersection, turning into the oncoming lane and then decided to straighten back out and wait....because OH MY GOD I THINK I MAY SEE HEADLIGHTS, THERE IS A CAR!! This driver then decided to wait for the other oncoming vehicle that was off in the distance -- faint headlights creeping towards the intersection from miles and miles** down the road. It took the ENTIRE length of the green light to wait and then turn after waiting for this car.
(**this post may contain some slight exaggeration)

Needless to say I was not sitting patiently waiting while this person decided to waste time --- my precious time. My hands 'may' have flown up in an exaggerated fling in the air so that this person could see my obvious frustration in their rear view mirror. Although they couldn't hear the dirty words coming out of my mouth - I knew that they'd be able to see my lips flagging and cursing and that was enough satisfaction for me. I ripped through the yellow light behind them.....because I too had been out wating in the intersection since the initial "oh, i might turn here....or....maybe not"

As they turned I saw the logo on the side of the car door, indicating the student driver behind the wheel. I felt sad. I may have shown them a little more patience if I had know that they were just learning. But my sadness was quickly replaced by horror when I saw the cop car out my rear view mirror. He had been stopped at the red light perpendicular to me and it hadn't even occured to me until now. He had been watching the whole thing. And I looked like a jackass.

Sure enough - the lights went on and I pulled over, even using my signal to pull over. My heart started beating a million times a minute - I had never been pulled over before. I rolled down the window and met the nice officer who was trying to make small talk first, asking me if I was just getting off work. Then he got down to business;

"Perhaps before you yell at student driver's -- you should learn the rules of the road yourself."

"Uhhh, I'm sorry?" yeah, cause you didn't look like an idiot enough -- now you have to make yourself sound like one?

"You do realize that you were stopped in the cross walk and then ran through the amber light?"

"Uhhh, really?" Again, an idiot soaked response, you idiot.

"And that running an amber is the same fine as running a red? Did you know that?"

"No, I didn't. I'm sorry."

He paused a moment to let my bad choices sink in to kill my pride a little and I mustered up the courage to say something that I thought would save me.

"For the record I didn't know that it was a student driver - that's not why I was yelling at them....I would have yelled at them if it was anyone."

"Yes, that's reassuring." He said flatly.

And, grande finale of idiotness; taaa daaa!!-- I was done.

Thankfully, I didn't get a ticket -- just a stern warning, and a big bruise to my ego. I drove like an angel fresh out of driver's school myself for the rest of the day. And now, I look around a little bit before I yell at the guy in front of me........

1 Month, 4000 km's, GPS love, Snowdays, Hotels and Dentists

I am about to cover a lot in this one, big, catch up blog, which seems to be the new trend with my blog. So fasten your seat belts and I will try to remember all of the great details of the last month.

December 1st, Saturday

We started Garnet's training trip with a trip through North Bay. We figured that since we weren't able to make it up for Christmas this year we could have a mini Christmas with my Grandma and Cousin Bobbi. We arrived around 1 am on Saturday morning and had some fun times with my Grandma. Sunday was the day of travel through the winding Highway 17 up to Ottawa. The weather had been calling for a big dump of snow -- but we had yet to see any. Garnet and I took off - leaving Tim with Bobbi and Rich and their little girl, Dakota.

Arriving in Ottawa around 2 that afternoon, we got Garnet settled into his Hotel room and I was off. Have I told you about our new friend? The GPS unit that I fought Garnet on buying? Have I told you how much I love her? Yes, I call her "HER"......you have to. She becomes a part of your family and you soon realize that you are unable to make a trip to the local grocery store without her sugary voice leading the way. "Turn Left" ....."Arriving at Destination! On Right!"

I have a special bond with her now because, just as I was leaving Ottawa, getting onto the 417, the cell phone rang and distracted me. Unknowingly, I took the East exit instead of the West. I felt the panic mode set in, my hands started to shake and I cursed myself...2 minutes into the trip home and I was already lost! And then I heard her. Sweet, syrupy....calming; "Re-calculating...." She doesn't tell you how stupid you are for making a wrong turn, she doesn't even raise her voice she just simply recalculates and fixes your mistake in seconds. See why I love her so much? She took me off the 417 East and got me turned around in minutes -- and I was on my way again.

The snow started 2 hours into the trip home in these little dust particles of ice. Tiny, pretty, sparkly pieces of winter surrounding me. In minutes, it looked as if someone were throwing snowballs at my windshield at alarming speeds. I felt surrounded as these big, soft, chunks of ice came down heavy and hard.....reducing visibility to none. The highway curved and crawled up these hills of trees and rocks. Soon I couldn't see the edge of the road. There are no snowbanks, hardly any guard rails, just ravines and rockcliffs lining the curvy 2 lane highway. The headlights seemed to jump at me over the hills as both myself and the oncoming traffic inched toward eachother -- hoping that we were on the right side of the road. My white knuckles, aching tense neck and thumping heart in my chest convinced me that I should just pull over. I could not see at all and continuing on would be deadly. I looked in my rear view mirror at the line of headlights following me. I screamed very loudly as if to convince all of them that they were stupid to follow me. "I AM NOT A LEADER!!!" But, I was the leader. And stopping now - where there was no clear shoulder would be even more deadly than continuing. So I lead those followers 30 km's an hour and kept my eyes on the 3 inches in front of the car that I could see. The oncoming traffic and slight glimpses of the yellow line would help reallign me as I would carry the trail of traffic back to the right side of the road. At one point, when the yellow line caught my eye in the front window -- out the passenger side, I cried out a little prayer. My first prayer in a long, long time. I was thankful that Tim wasn't with me. I was thankful that according to Ms. GPS I only had another 20 minutes until I was in familiar territory. And could I please just make it to Mattawa. I knew then, that I was close enough for someone to come rescue me -- and that it was familiar enough stretch of highway to know where I was. And I continued on, somehow making it back to North Bay.

The snow continued that night - hard and heavy. I was supposed to travel back to Sarnia Monday morning when I woke up. We decided against that when I shovelled my cousin's driveway only 2 hours after Rich had done it -- and it didn't even look like it had been touched. I stayed in North Bay one more day and headed back on the Tuesday instead.

December 7, Friday

Tim and I were one week into our 3 weeks without Garnet. The time had flown by, but Tim (of course) was coming down with something. I had to work all weekend and it ripped my heart out to leave him with a babysitter while he wasn't feeling well. The coughing and hacking were horrible and keeping us both up at night -- so at 3am I decided to head out to Shopper's Drug Mart to finally give in and get him some cough medicine. You know, that cough medicine that makes every kid throw up just by the smell? So now we weren't only up with coughing but up all night with barfing too. Good times, good times!!!

December 11, Tuesday

A week and a half in and I was really missing my other half. You don't really see or appreciate how much they do until they are gone -- and you've got to do it all yourself!! I had 1 day off so far - and that was my first day back from North Bay. So now, I was going on a solid 6 days of work and was heading into the dentist. I have been suffering since Thanksgiving. No lies or exaggerations whatsoever. This appointment was originally a scheduled filling -- and I had been having severe tooth aches and jaw pain for weeks now. I figured he would just fill my sore tooth and be done with it.

"This is a perfect tooth - there is nothing wrong with it." He was looking at me like I had 3 heads.

"But it hurts!" My lame excuse made him look at me even more pitiably. He made me bite down on his little plastic stick and looked completely stumped when I cried out in pain.

Finally, his conclusion was that my wisdom tooth on the other side was now infected and my procrastinating to come in had caused the infection to spread to the sinuses. The sinus cavity is touching the roots of the teeth and causing root pain in my upper teeth. To sum it up; Frickin OUCH!!!!

He put me on antibiotics and made a special "I will stay late for you" appointment on Monday to have the Wisdom tooth removed. I was taking 2 extra strength Tylenol every 3 1/2 hours and they weren't even touching the pain.

December 16, Sunday (day before surgery)

Dental receptionist calls me from home to inform me that the dentist was calling a snowday tomorrow. I would have to continue suffering until they could fit me in again. Fun.

I went out and shovelled the driveway 4 times. Cursing Garnet and his @#%#@# training. Cursing the Dentist and his @#%@#$ snow day.

Tim and I had fun playing in the snow though -- so it wasn't all bad!!

December 15,17 & 18, Saturday, Monday & Tuesday

We enjoyed Garnet's work Kids Skating Party -- it's great to feel the support of his co-workers and offers to help if I needed anything. Gene even offered to come and inspect all my lightbulbs to see if any of them need changing ;) - Mike forgot it was Christmas and was trick or treating all around the ice....and I think Santa may have had a few 'pops' before handing the presents out....but it was a fun time!

I took my handsome little sweetheart out for a date to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. Cutest, funniest kids movie in a long time!! Then we enjoyed his Christmas play; this is how he dressed up for it!!

December 20, Thursday

It was already the day to go and get Garnet in Ottawa. The time had really flown by. I had 3 days off total and felt rottenly ill and in pain for all 3 weeks. I was so thankful that we had done all of our Christmas prep and shopping before he left!!

I worked until 1:30 that day, picked up Tim from school and we were off. So, if you do the math -- leaving Sarnia at 2 meant arriving in Toronto around 5. Yes, I am STUPID! It took us 2 hours to get from Milton to Ajax. It should have taken about 40 minutes. A little voice from the back seat in the middle of stop and go traffic (meaning; no where to stop!) "I think I am going to be sick..." Luckily, the car sickness passed with no barfies. But the trip in it's entirety took 9 hours instead of 7. Thank god for the portable DVD player, great weather and a great kid like Tim!!! He was amazing!!! Even the dog was heavenly for the whole trip!! This is how we amused ourselves the next day at the hotel while waiting for Garnet to be done his last day (we're not allowed to jump on beds at home.....but it's so much fun at hotels!!)

It was great to see Garnet again. Man, I really missed him. I am very thankful to have a great husband who is in tune with our lives and a huge help around the house and in parenting.

And it was really, really nice to let him drive the 800 km's back home......bringing our grand total to over 4000 km's traveled in those 3 weeks!! We are already due for the oil change that wasn't supposed to be due until February!!

Christmas pictures and updates are coming. We stayed home for Christmas this year (can't understand why?!?!) stayed in our pj's all day, had a Christmas nap together and didn't go anywhere. It was PERFECT!!!

xoJ

For the Family far away.....xoxox

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Santa brought Tim a go kart!!!! It's not supposed to go outside but riding it back in forth in the living room wasn't ctting it so we let him have a spin outside for one chance at full throttle ;)



....and Santa brought a Wii!!!!!(but we already knew that didn't we ;) Check out Tim's awesome serve! (hint: you don't need to throw it up first like he does -- but it's so cute we haven't told him yet ;)

North Bay Visit Pictures.....stories to come later ;)

Beavers

Tim decided that he didn't want to do Hockey this year (although now he regrets his decision and will most likely be back in next year) So he decided on Beavers. I think he looks so cute in his uniform....he says it's like Daddy going to work. And he is very serious about hanging it up every night when he's done with it!!

Update....from Bad Blogger #1

I know, I know....I'm one of those boring blogs that never update anymore and you've stopped reading. But for those few faithful, that actually check up on me once in a while; this is for you.
We are all still alive, I think. It has been a few months since I've actually seen my husband but he's around here somewhere I'm sure.....
I'm kidding. Overtime at his work has been rampant, so he's been working these crazy hours for like 9 days in a row and we get to see him for a few minutes each morning and a few minutes before we collapse into bed. His days off are usually spent running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to get caught up. He's still somehow managing to fix people's computers and all that nice stuff.......but don't even ask me how my kitchen is coming along. Remember the one that was supposed to be done by my birthday LAST YEAR? He says definitely by this birthday. Yeah, sure.
My new job has been going great -- I love it even more than I thought (most days). It's still balancing quite well with my other job and things seem to fit together like a puzzle. Although Tim LOVES his after school program we have still only managed to use it or a babysitter a few times a month! That's how well we are balancing our schedules.....incredulously!

Garnet will be away on training for the first 3 weeks of December. It's kind of a crappy time -- right before Christmas. But we managed to get ALL of our Christmas shopping done in the last few weeks - so that we could both be involved. It helped that our dollar was so good in exchange for US funds. We decided to get a babysitter one night and head over without Tim (run our shopping errends for Santa, if you know what I mean....:) We exchanged $300 Canadian and got $317 American....so that paid for the babysitter! It's maddening how low their prices are over there.

I'm sure when Garnet's gone I'll have plenty more time to update my blog....there have been a few things that have happened in the last few weeks that I think "Oh, I should so blog about this!" (like Garnet buying and exchanging 5 GPS units, in about a week, which included 2 trips over the Bridge in one day, before finally deciding on one (the second one he originally bought!!) --- but then the sit down in front of the computer seems like a waste of time when there are a million other things I should be doing! I haven't seen much of Garnet in the last few months -- so it really shouldn't be much different.....but then again he still somehow manages to make quite a few messes around here in the few minutes he's running in and out. Funny how that is...... So expect more updates in the next month or so, I'll have so much more time on my hands when I don't have to pick up Garnet's dirty socks from everywhere in the house!

The Grandma's are fuming!!!!

It's one thing for everyday blog readers to be awaiting a post.....but when the Grandma's haven't seen Halloween pictures yet --- WATCH OUT! These are for you Grandma Anne and Grandma Vicki. I'm sorry it took me so long!!

Tim showing off our spooky house

Tim in his make-up face for school (masks aren't allowed)

Garnet and Tim went out as matching spooky guys